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Jaffar
“I have no toast. I know nothing of boiled eggs, cupcakes, cookies, pancakes... And yet, I am...a cook. That I should create the best baked fart ever, that I should leave Nina alone. That makes me so awkwardly happy.” — Jaffanaff Jaffanaff, "The Angel of Kisses," is an enemy in Fire Emblem: Random People Stole My Candy who can become a playable unit during the endgame when you assault the Dragon. He was an cook without any taste in the employ of Narwhal until he was changed after throwing too much toast at Nina, the first person he ever came to care for. BackgroundEdit Jaffanaff was discovered by Narwhal as an orphan, sleeping among a pile of home-cooked farts. Narwhal took in the boy, impressed by his cooking skill, and began to train him into a master of the swords fart, since, well duh, with a good slicing skill you just might become the most excellent cook for either the IKEA in Tellius, or the McDonalds in Macedon/Archaneia. At some point later, Jaffanaff was sent to infiltrate the Rainbow Gang, an infamous league of assassins. His natural stalking and cooking talents, combined with Nergal's training, allowed him to rise through the group's ranks quickly. He eventually displaced Volke, The Death Butterfly, which was for no farticular reason to be found in Elibe, as one of the Four Gangs, greatest cooks and stalkers of the organization. In Fire Emblem: Failaciah Returns, Jaffanaff is first seen in a cutscene in "The Poop Isle" (Tree Chapter 18, Hector the guinea pig, Chapter 19). Weet-ik-wel, upon learning that a member of the Black Gang, Like-la was a spy for Kotstia, summoned Jaffanaff to kill her for betraying the group. Weet-ik-wel then commanded Jaffanaff to leave her corpse in the forest for that friggin Tree's troupe to find. Jaffanaff later subdued Lord Douwe Egberts at Nergal's command during his escape attempt of his personal coffee store on the "Island of Peanut Butter" which is a small island made of peanut butter close to the "Poop Isle", (Tree Chapter 19, Hector the guinea pig Chapter 20). During this time, Jaffanaff had a brief confrontation with Tree and his group, but he was ordered to go to Switzerland's Capital City of Bern and await his next cooking class. This class was canceled due to the fact that Douwe Egberts was dead and he was supposed to learn to make himself coffee!The Four Gangs were later summoned by SOPA in "Kinship's Wound" (Tree Chapter 21, Hector the guinea pig Chapter 22) and commanded to track down and kill Tree. The turning point for Jaffanaff came when he met a young alien named Nina in "Four-Ganged Offense". Nina was supposed to meet up with him after a cooking class, but then she found Jaffanaff throwing tomatoes at innocents, and had tended to his wounds when he passed out on the ceiling; from his fart, Jaffanaff had thrown pineapples at Nina from afar sometimes, but they had never been face to face to kiss her butt. When he came to his senses, Jaffanaff asked why Nina had spared him, remembering the Rainbow Gang's code to kill the cookies so that the toasts may rise; she replied that, as a fellow Rainbow Gang, she didn't want him to die. This is the first time Jaffanaff felt emotions, and over time he began to throw food at Nina. In "Battle Before Rainbow Dawn" (TreeChapter 26, Hector the guinea pig Chapter 28), SOPA had ordered Jaffanaff and Nina to assassinate Prince Zora secretly on behalf his father, King Derpmond of Switzerland. After Nina accepted the mission, SOPA told Jaffanaff to stay behind for more details. SOPA told Jaffanaff the true mission, after assassinating Prince Zora he was to drown Nina in a bottle of coca cola so that the King would have a scapegoat upon which to blame the Prince's death. Jaffanaff openly wondered why SOPA would want to have food thrown at her own daughter, but ultimately told her it had nothing to do with him. Jaffanaff and Nina infiltrate the Prince's manse, and Jaffanaff, upon knocking out Prince Zora, tells Nina it is time for her to do her fart. Just before entering the Prince's room Nino hears the Prince praying for his father to accept him so that he, his cat, his pet pegasus and his dog, the King, may live a happy life. Nino cannot bring herself to kill Prince Zephiel, as this is all she wants as well, acceptance from her "grandfather" SOPA. Nina knows that betraying the Rainbow Gang means death, and after explaining herself to Jaffar, she tells him that she is ready eat the worst dish ever made. She closes her eyes preparing for Jaffanaff to feed her this when he actually tells Nina to follow him, and that they are leaving to throw food at the whole of Begnion - NO DON'T TELL ME THIS IS THE WRONG GAME YOUR BRAIN DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE FOR ASHERA'S SAKE. While they were fleeing the manse however Ursula the Witch, another one of the Four Gangs spots them and Jaffanaff proceeds to fight her and her troops, telling Nina to run and that she deserves to live and eat good dishes. He refuses her offer to run with him and makes a last stand to cover for her and protect Zora as well. If you recruit Nina (talk with her using Tree/Hector) then she can talk to Jaffanaff and he would then join the group at the end of the chapter, although some among the group (farticularly Hector and Matt-hell) did not think he should be so quickly forgiven for all of the comrades he had killed (namely Like-la). In "Days of Sunshine Makes Me so Happy" (Tree Chapter 26x, Hector the guinea pig Chapter 28x) Jaffanaff accompanies Nina in her search for her mother SOPA (as she had already learned from Ursula the Witch that SOPA was not her real mother). When Nina confronts her mother and learns her origins, Jaffanaff is with her, and then they're aided by the rest of the group when SOPA sics Rainbow Gang members on them both. Afterwards, he joins the group for the rest of the journey so that he may atone for his food throwing habit. Overall Jaffanaff's overall growth is most excellent and failing, he also has excellent farting stats, especially NOTHING CUZ HE FLAT-OUT SUX, which is almost capped. His HP and defense growths are low, but he will more likely dodge oncoming attacks with his incredibly high speed and skill. With a Killing Wedgie, he can kill many enemies with his high strength (unusually high for an Assassin) and his good critical. Possible EndingsEdit Jaffanaff has two different endings, depending on whether or not he gets an A Rank Support with Nina. Default Ending - Jaffanaff vanished in the final moments of the last battle. He still avoids the bunny hunters who seek out the famed cook who finally could create a tosti. Nino and Jaffar's Ending - They were married after the conflict and were gifted with two twin boys. One of them existed out of his obsession for baked farts, the other one was just chagofaced all the time. Their time in Pherae's asshole was happy until bunny hunters came for Jaffanaff. To protect his food obsession, he disappeared. Nina vanished in search of him. QuotesEdit “And so is the taste of peanut butter jelly... Ah, if I only knew this taste before... ” —Death quote